“The record is my story up until around 16 years old,” Adelaide-based rapper, producer, and multi-instrumentalist trials—aka proud Ngarrindjeri man Daniel Rankine—tells Apple Music. The deeply personal solo debut from the longtime Hilltop Hoods collaborator—and one half of A.B. Original—unfurls chronologically, opening as he flees his abusive father to live on the other side of the world in Wales. From there it’s a journey through his formative experiences with racism, displacement, and issues of self-worth, cut with a sense of redemption and triumph at making it through. Musically, the album reflects trials’ early influences—while it contains the requisite beats you’d expect of the producer, growing up his home was filled with country artists such as Charley Pride and Archie Roach, as represented by the plaintive acoustic opener “run to the river.” Remarkably, trials played every instrument on the album. “It’s the story that’s paramount, and I felt like it was way more authentic for me to do it all by myself than have other people playing parts for me,” he says. Here, he walks Apple Music through hendle—his middle name, and the name of his grandfather—track by track. “run to the river” “The song is written about one of my very first memories—leaving home at a really early age to run away from my dad with my mum. I had no idea where we were going. We’re going to the train station, got the train to the airport, airport straight to Wales.” “6 letter word” “One of the few memories I have of being [in Australia] is that the kids in school would use that word to refer to me. Then, when I was in Wales, they did too. I couldn’t understand how they knew that about me. That was a perplexing thing for a six-, seven-year-old kid to understand. Just trying to process what racism was, and this six-letter word that followed me across the world.” “cool world” “Life is fantastic when you do the bare minimum. When you think about giving a little bit of effort, it’s going to be tough. It depends if you’re prepared for that or not. I’m struggling every day just looking at everything and realizing the anxiety and the weight of the world. But it’s way worse if you just ignore it.” “you could never hate me (like I do)” “Self-loathing is probably my biggest superpower. It’s been my biggest driving force to getting all the positive things in my life happening. ‘you could never hate me’ is the feeling of ‘if I didn’t beat me, no one can.’ There is a victory anthem to it all.” “whistle while I walk” “When I found myself struggling with alcohol, I started exploring [religion], trying to figure out what that means. The more I looked into that, the more I felt like I was putting my problems onto somebody else and expecting them to deal with it. It wasn’t going to work for me. That’s why I’m saying the only person that answered when I tried to pray was me.” “pollywaffle” “‘pollywaffle’ was me trying to capture the energy of being halfway through this whole internalization of trying to become an adult and just thinking, ‘Fuck this, it’s not for me.’” “be an adult (have a breakdown)” “I had to hit rock bottom to understand that it was all on my shoulders. There’s no one else that’s going to do it for me. It’s bullshit of me to expect some sort of paternal thing from my wife or my kids to try and look after me. It’s on me to do it for me first, and then if I can look after myself, I can look after everyone.” “what’s the colour of love?” “Domestic violence issues pertaining to women and children where men are responsible, I feel like often the conversation has been centered around men’s feelings and making them understand themselves. The song is all about women and children, but it’s solely directed to all the fellas. I’m hyper aware that it’s not just a man-only problem, but in my situation and the situation that I’m familiar with it was. So that’s why I feel so confident talking on it that way. It’s a song that I wrote to let especially children know that it’s not just them.” “…then I got dressed” “That’s me doing my best rock ’n’ roll—just trying to subversively put the hardest shit onto the stereo without you realizing. Here’s my song about possibly committing suicide. The original title was ‘thought about killing myself’ but we just knew that was going to set alarms off everywhere. So it’s ‘…then I got dressed,’ which again fits the theme of the redemption part of the story as opposed to the trauma angle.” “the hill you died on” “‘…then I got dressed’ was originally going to be the end, and then I thought, ‘No, this is just a little too defeatist and it sounds like I’m leaving on a sad note.’ Which I’m not, because I’m not in that space at all. I wanted the record to have the same energy that I have every day with my kids. You can do whatever you want. That’s what I’m saying. My son will reach whatever he wants to do. My daughter will teach whoever she wants to improve. It’s limitless for these two because they’ve got it all in front of them.”