Loner

Alison Wonderland tells Apple Music she wrote her third album “after having the rug pulled from under me in a lot of different aspects of my life. I was at complete rock bottom, and I had no one except myself to deal with what was going on.” Rather than revert to old habits, however, the DJ, producer, and singer found strength within. “When I was writing, I listened back to my other albums and thought, ‘OK, you’re victimizing yourself in all these albums,’ and I don’t want to be the victim anymore. I thought, ‘I’m going to change the narrative—I’m going to bring power back into anything that’s negative in my life.’ And so, I thought that I would use the term ‘loner’ as an empowering word and not make it a negative thing.”

The concept of polarity became a driver, thematically and musically, Alison channeling moments of extreme light and darkness while contrasting her trademark electronic approach with more organic instrumentation. Here, the Sydney-born, LA-based artist walks through Loner, track by track.

“Forever”
“I can pinpoint exactly where I was when this song happened. I was in a Starbucks drive-through with my friend, and I was crying. I was trying everything to get my life back together, and I had no answers. I was so frustrated, and I felt so alone. I was crying to my friend and said, ‘It’s going to feel like this forever—nothing’s going right no matter how hard I try.’ And he looked at me and said, ‘It will feel like forever until it doesn’t.’ That’s the truth. It felt like forever. And then, one day, it didn’t.”

“Safe Life”
“I’m saying I’m not about the safe life. I’m sick of doubting myself. I’m not gonna play it safe, and I’m just going to live my life to the fullest. There’s a lot of freedom in taking risks and putting yourself out there, and it does feel like a weight off your shoulders because fear holds us back. It's my favorite drop I’ve ever made.”

“Fuck U Love U”
“This song is basically about my relationship with music. It’s kind of like, fuck you, but I love you so much, and I hate you, but I want it so badly. Again, that polarity, when you love something so much that you’re working so hard for it—there’s this extreme frustration and anger that can come with that if you’re not getting it.”

“New Day”
“This is a very hopeful song. It’s reminding myself that even if today doesn’t work out the way I want, tomorrow will be a new day and you’ll have another chance. My feet will touch the ground, and I have a chance to try again, and I’m grateful for that.”

“I’m Doing Great Now Thanks (Interlude)”
“It’s a message that I’m doing great now, thanks. At the end, I wrote a poem for the listener. I believe words are very powerful, and I’m putting out something really good into the air for them. You’ll only really know what I’m saying if you play it backwards.”

“Something Real”
“It’s the only love song I’ve ever written. I don’t ever feel that inspired by positive things when I’m making art, but this is the happiest song I could make. When I listen to it now, I am smiling because I know that when I wrote it, I was purely happy and grateful and in disbelief that I had changed my reality so much. I’m so happy I was able to channel that energy into sound.”

“Eyes Closed”
“I was in a hotel room in Berlin, and I was about to play a warehouse party, and I recorded those vocals in my hotel room. I wanted to make something musically with the polarity in it, so it’s very industrial and then it goes into a really long breakdown that is minimal, and then it goes back into this industrial kind of drum ’n’ bass influence.”

“Bad Things”
“I wrote this at the start of a rebirth, and it was about not letting negativity invade my space anymore. I wanted to remind myself I’m still here and I’m still breathing and I’m lucky to be doing so and to be grateful for that. I wanted it to be very euphoric. I’m acknowledging the darkness, but I’m inviting in the light.”

“Thirst”
“It’s about how no one can really be me, as much as they try. I wrote it about how I’m one step ahead always, because I’m just being myself.”

“Cocaine”
“This song is funny. I was sitting on a couch in an Airbnb in Auckland, and my voice memo that I wrote for the demo, which was only one take, I kept as the final vocal. I was so inspired and so annoyed. I was picturing these people in the industry who think they know you, but they do not: the guy at the club with the bad leather shoes and the pants that are too tight and the sports jacket, with the used-car-salesman personality. Something had triggered me during my time of healing, and I was so pissed off.”

“Fear of Dying”
“I wrote this about my manager. He’s also my best friend. We’ve done this together, DIY, from the start. He’s the only person who ever believed in me when no one else did. I do not know what I would do without [him]. It’s a huge fear, and I felt like I needed to write it out and acknowledge it. I’m just scared of losing him.”

“Loner”
“‘Loner’ is an open letter to the things I wanted but never got. It’s an open letter to my trauma, it’s an open letter to my loss. I find it very difficult to listen to. It’s the one song I’ve played to friends, some very unemotional males, and I’ve made them cry because they knew what I went through. This is a really intimate song for me. It’s the scariest one to put out.”